Wednesday, February 05, 2014

{Break Old Agreements} The Last Two of The Four Agreements

Hey there Naturalistas!

I am working it out over here on this challenge! I finished the Four Agreements and have started The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, but I wanted to touch base with all of you on how the last two agreements have impacted my daily life.



The third agreement, Don't Make Assumptions, was hard to get at first…. I mean not in that I couldn't understand not to make assumptions - we all know the old adage, "When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me, so I got that. 

It was just how the book broke down the many ways we make assumptions!

We do it ALLLLLLLL of the time! We make assumptions to fill in the gaps of our knowledge, we make assumptions to help us feel better about what we do know, we make assumptions about our assumptions - assuming that they are TRUTH when all we really have to do is have enough courage to ask questions. We create our own emotional poison by thinking something is true that we have no idea of in reality, then we spread it to others around us. This is how gossiping is started! It's also how relationships are wrecked. We assume (there goes that word again…)our loved ones know what we want, how we want it and what they should or shouldn't do in connection to us and vice versa. This spells trouble and leads to hurt feelings and disappointment, when all you have to do is be clear and ask questions. Ask the questions that seem like you should already know, because even that is an assumption. Ask the questions that seem silly - the only silly question is the unasked one!

Don't cause yourself heartache and pain because you assume and choose to believe something that is totally untrue! 

The worst part about making assumptions is that we tend to assume what others think about us. And we assume things about ourselves based on those assumptions as well… If we assume someone doesn't like us, we then tend to pick ourselves apart based on that assumption, finding flaws that may not exist or creating a persona that is false because we assume others see us in a way that is not even true. 

We then lose the courage to be who we truly are and sometimes are not even able to know who she is because we have buried her under all of these assumptions…



Those assumptions are made a little easier to get past if you are able to grasp the first two agreements and put them into play. The first agreement, Be Impeccable with Your Word, helps in that you only say things that are true and that are helpful and kind. Only truth means that if you don't know it to be true it shouldn't cross your lips… That goes for assumptions. We can't know they are true, so we ought not give voice to them. The second agreement, Don't Take Anything Personally, also assists in that it helps us not take in the poison of personalizing everything that happens around and to us, which leads to us making an assumption about someone and their intentions. 

Take for instance this scenario: You walk into a room and as soon as you walk in everyone goes quiet and one of the people leave the room abruptly. You can choose to think that everyone got quiet because you came into the room (taking it personally) and assume that they were talking about you (making assumptions) or you can choose not to take it personally and NOT fill in the gaps of your knowledge about why these things happened and instead, ask a question! 

What if you don't know the people well? What if they don't answer the question? These are all part of the mitote in our minds; the constant babble that keeps us off center and fills our minds with false evidence appearing real (FEAR, which is the arch enemy of love). 

Ask the question. It's the only way to know the truth. It may be hard, it will take courage, but in the end you will have the clarity you seek and the understanding you need!





The last agreement is the one that saves us from ourselves! Always Do Your Best! This allows us room to grow and not beat ourselves up. Our personal best will change from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, but as long as we are cognizant of what we are doing (or not doing) we will be able to stay the course. This challenge demands 10-20 minutes of meditation daily and newly introduced this week was the 5 minutes (or half of the meditation time) of a grateful based affirmation. I am practicing this and I am grateful for this time to reflect on my incorporating the new practices into my life fully and I am also grateful for where I fall short as that give me an opportunity to grow in my relationship with myself and with others.

Staying present in the moment has always been an issue of mine. I tend to look to the future and agonize over the past at times and this meditation has been a great practice for me to stay where I am and notice my best in this moment. Sometimes we overlook our successes in lieu of where we have fell short but we don't take into account how far we have come and how much we are doing in the present. My pastor always says, don't lament about how bad things are going because everyday you are doing your best and you are making it happen!

I say, take a good long look at your life right now in the present and practice gratitude more than having an attitude about what isn't working. If you are consistently doing your very best and taking notice of it, your best will become better and so will your life.

I am hoping that this has been helpful to you Naturalista's out there!


~Faye



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