Me... and Him

Now I haven't done a personal post in a while and I know the title is suggesting a man and it is in a roundabout way, but the Him I am thinking about is really God. He works in such mysterious ways that I am astounded when the dark glass I peer through allows me insight into where I am headed when I follow His lead.

I have been involved with several men and have two children with different dads to prove it! LOL! Now this is not an indictment of myself, just a statement of fact and I have learned so much about life, men and most importantly, myself in this journey, that I am grateful God allowed me to be able to look back and see how far I have come. (Without that whole pillar of salt thing...lol)

The thing is, I am now seeing someone I already know and hold in great esteem, in a different light. This person has been around for 11 years. Yes, I said 11 years! Its crazy, I know, but time is relative and things have to happen to allow for God's blessing to ripen and be ready to put into play.

He is a person of great stature and his even considering me worthy of pursuit has changed my self-perception a bit. I am not saying that I have low-self image or esteem, but when a person whom people follow and heed their every word finds you gorgeous, intelligent and has so many things in common with you, it's an affirmation and confirmation that seems surreal! I believe I am gorgeous, intelligent and worthy of the man of my dreams and he may be him, BUT without HIM, none of this would be happening. Without my trust and belief in God and in Him guiding my path, not holding onto anger, becoming bitter or wallowing in a pit of self-degredation, has led me to believe that I am worthy of waiting for and of all the love my heart can stand to give... Yes give, I know now that it's the giving that brings the joy; the receiving is the mirror and I think I have found someone worthy of all the love my heart can pour out...

I also know that the enemy will come at me and try to get me to block my own blessings. The enemy always shows up and out when things are looking like they may be going well for me. I know all of his tactics - bringing my failed relationships to my remembrance and by putting negative thoughts into my mind (he is the master of the sound wave), so guarding what I hear is imperative. I have to be careful who and what I allow near me and to touch my spirit. Music, people who are naysayers "Are you ready for that?" etc is imperative) have to be avoided at all costs for my life to be the way God intends not just in reference to the blessing of a new relationship but in general for the blessings of my life to flow. The enemy will even try me by attacking the circumstances that surround me like my finances and the people I interact with on a daily basis (like my children...), BUT I have put the enemy on notice:

I WILL BE FOCUSED AND STEADFAST IN MY PURPOSE AND MY BLESSINGS WILL FLOW LIKE A FOUNT FROM GOD! NO GOOD THING SHALL BE HELD FROM ME! In every area of my life, my job, children finances and love will be what God has for me which beyond my ability to fathom! I refuse to be denied.... And with God, my attitude of gratitude and righteous walk will be richly rewarded. IF I fall, I will land on my knees in prayer... and in doing such restore my grace with God.

Now... About this man...
We went on a date
He was doors opening and waist holding.
Helping out of the car hand-holding.
He was romantic and expressive,
Sweet, rich and deep-fudge with dimples.
Conversing like old acquaintances;
through alerts and alarms of floods, lightning,
thunder and sheets of rain nonplussed --
Until we were alone,
blushing and flushed.
Umbrella held high to fetch me
in one monsoon of a rain,
compelled to kiss him
beneath a borrowed umbrella
we stood for a split second,
awe struck of one another.
Timing is everything
and its time...

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