Tuesday, November 29, 2005

pain and power

have u ever been hurt? mentally, physically, emotionally? then, after u have been abused or misused, made to feel like it was ur fault u were hurt at all... i have.

and i realize that pain is about power. ur personal power & how u deal with/use it. abused women most often give their power away to their mates who turn it on them. how many women have u heard say "maybe it was my fault, maybe i shouldn't have touched his things, maybe i should have had his dinner ready on time...etc." what about at work? ever literally fell down on the job? only to have ur supervisor or employer give u dirty looks and attitude. make u feel like maybe u did something you shouldn't have... "maybe i should have ducked when the chair came flying at me from behind, maybe i should have noticed the water all over the floor before i fell and bust my @$$"....(lol). what about in a relationship where u or ur spouse cheats? u tell them "i didn't feel like u were there for me when i needed u" or perhaps they tell u, "u haven't made me feel loved/beautiful/handsome/sexy etc..." these are all cop outs.

when u do something or someone does something to u, it is in ur power to stop them or stop ur self. if it means telling the other party ur feelings and releasing it, or if it means removing yourself from the situation completely. or even if it means owning up to how u really feel and what u've done. honesty is always best. especially with ur self. and the pain u feel, although real, is always a choice. there is a direct relationship between how honest u r with ur self and how much pain u feel when u use ur personal power...

i have been in all of these positions before, and i know, in retrospect, that i was part of the pain i felt. mostly from fear of being honest or losing something or someone. afraid of really looking at the bare bones of what is really going on... giving up my power and allowing myself to be hurt made me a victim, where i should have or maybe i could have saved myself some pain by being honest. with myself.

today, i feel powerful...

3 comments:

  1. Luwana10:53 AM

    Hey, girl! I didn't know you were so deep. This poem is right on I had to forward it to my people.

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  3. Hey Luwana!! Girl it has been like forever since we have talked... Yeah, I am definitely an enigma. People think I should have an afro and wear a dashiki instead of a press and curl and charles david stilettos - LOL

    I kinda took the poetry off the site... Was feeling like sharing at first, then I began to get a little paranoid like I might get jacked so I took it off until I get it back from DC.

    I may put it back b4 then, never know how I may be feeling - that enigmatic thing... *smile*

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